Friday, 4 March 2011


I saw a man pursuing the horizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the man.
"It is futile," I said,
"You can never -"

"You lie," he cried,
And ran on.
(Stephen Crane)

The above poem is one of my favourites.  I’m sure aul’ Stevie would be spinning in his grave if he knew that I was about to compare his deep, profound and multi-faceted piece of poetry to shopping; however, needs must, and the times they are a-changin’ (apologies, Mr. Dylan).

Yesterday, I went to New Look on my lunch hour, looking for 3 specific items: chino trousers I had seen in the shop last week; a sheer shirt that I saw on their website; and a pair of high-waist skinny jeans I saw in their magazine.  The pantomime that ensued has put me off stepping foot inside that shop ever again. To shamelessly paraphrase Mr. Crane’s work:

I saw Lauren perusing the rails;
Round and round she sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the girl.
"It is futile," I said,
"You can never -"

"You lie," she cried,
And browsed on.

In future, folks, I shall recall this piece of plagiarised poetry, and back away from New Look.

I could find none of the items I wanted.  Where the chinos had once been, a sale rail now stood.  I couldn’t find them, and so I picked up another pair to try on.  I picked two dresses from the sale rail to try on also, and a blouse that looked nice.  The shirt and jeans eluded me completely.  Not entirely surprising, considering how rubbish this branch is.

Round 1: The Blouse
A size 12 item, which fitted ok apart from the bust, which was too tight.  However the nude colour plus the sheer material equated to utter indecency, and so it was eliminated.

Round 2: The polka-dot dress
Again, a size 12.  Fitted everywhere but the bust.  Hideously unflattering shape, and flimsy material.  Would instigate rumours of pregnancy.  Eliminated.

Round 3: Black floral dress.
Size 12.  Much better material.  Really nice dress.  Zipped up no problem, however squashed my bust into a humiliating shape.  Sensing a theme here...

Round 4:  The alternative chinos.
Size 14.  Holy.  Mother.  No chance the 12 would ever have fitted me.  How does that work?  Enveloped my thighs and arse in a manner not unlike “Hungry Bum Syndrome” (see Billy Connolly for further details).  Not a hope.

Thus, I left New Look humiliated, empty-handed, and having wasted 30 minutes of my lunch hour.  Just to rub salt in the wound, I walked past the elusive shirt that I had originally wanted on my way out.  “Well, ain’t that a kick in the teeth”, I thought.  I shall not go back for it though, oh no.  Me and New Look are through! (except their shoe section, but surely that’s a given?)

Rant over.

In other news, I got some Boots Cucumber Eye Gel, which was around £2 I believe, and which I like so far, especially in the morning for puffy eyes.  I got a free copy of the Boots magazine, and used a voucher from it to get 200 advantage points when I bought a Sally Hansen product; win!  I got “Hard As Nails” to try and remedy my crap nails situation, along with BarryM dazzle dusts, which are currently “2 for £7” (Reviews to come...)

I got a free Missguided Lipsplash gloss in “Caramel” with Cosmopolitan magazine.  I like the consistency of it; however it doesn’t add any colour to my lips which is a shame.  I do like using it over Barry M lip paint in 101, for a nude lip though :)  The only other thing I'm unsure of is the smell... it's very sweet and reminds me more of custard than caramel.  To most, I'm sure this won't be a problem, however I am funny about custard.  I have a thing about custard.  I realise that this sounds strange and somwhat freakish, but I think lots of people have things they're funny about.  My other things include bananas and baked beans :/ *shudder*

Final points: today’s outfit is not worth posting; I am babysitting my sister from today until Sunday as mum and her fiancé are off to a football match in Nottingham; and I have some items for a small giveaway :) and I do mean small, as I am broke!   So stay tuned ;)

Have a good weekend everyone!


dinoprincesschar said...

new look dresses have truly been horrid in terms of shape, or length, or both for the last few months! it's a total shame, but has stopped me from ordering online from them. for which my bank balance is thankful, i'm sure..

daisychain said...

I'm in the minority here then...New Look is the only place where I know the clothes will fit me.

Sophie said...

I hardly ever shop at New Look, but found a cute maxi dress in January. Sounds like they need to get their sizing adjusted, And lucky you, I get a baggy area round my bust instead :(

Imogen said...

I have shopping experiences like that sometimes I know how you feel. I love it how you related it to poetry though. That is really clever.